‘Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.’ Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)
Putting aside individual personalities, children are a reflection of their parents. To be even more precise, children are a reflection of the input from their parents.
In life we are always preparing, from small things to bigger things. We prepare for work in the morning by setting our alarm clocks (and for the super organised), what we will wear the next day. When going on a holiday we make sure that we pack all that we need for a safe trip.
As parents do you know you are preparing your children for adulthood? You see, children learn very quickly, but they also grow very quickly. Don’t miss out on opportunities to shape and nurture them.
The hard drive
I like analogies, and as I write this piece a hard drive comes to mind. Every child is born with a blank hard drive. What will you upload to that hard drive? The contents of a child’s hard drive will determine their outcome.
I thank God that he has allowed me to be in the teaching profession; I believe it has given me a unique insight into the life and development of children. I love when I have uploaded a new file into their little hard drives. This has also led me to understand that what children are exposed to and have experience of fills their hard drives.
Now just like a smart phone, many applications (apps) are available, however they won’t just come at the click of a button!
*The politeness app
*The responsibility app
*The bed spreading app
*The punctuality app
*The cooking app
*The musician app
And many more!
As parents we need to be deliberate in all that we do, this should include what we upload into our children’s data bases. Take a self-evaluation? Are you on the treadmill of life and just making life happen to you? Or are you deliberately exposing and uploading new files to your child that will set them up favourably for later on in life?
Children learn what they live
I remember when I was growing up there was a little poem that was displayed in my front room, it was called ‘children learn what they live’. It makes for powerful reading.
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
Invest: Nurture and Shape
I didn’t understand the significance of the above named poem at its greatest level until I was in my 3rd year of teaching. Now in a classroom of children there are an array of personalities present. You have a room of future doctors, lawyers and criminals sometimes all in one room! I have found that children that often display challenging behaviour often come from unstable homes. Similarly children that display positive behaviour often come from loving, nurturing homes where parents invest heavily in their children. In fact, research suggests that parental involvement is the single biggest contributor to successful educational outcomes for children! You don’t need to send your children to private school for them to do well, just invest!
Every behaviour stems for a source, be it positive or negative! And I mean every behaviour!
Now the Lord has blessed me with two sons. At times, I find my youngest Isaac quite a challenge. My eldest Joshua was a piece of cake as a toddler and would follow my instructions first time. Not so with Isaac. Have you heard of the phrase broken record? I find myself constantly having to repeat myself with him! I also found that often he would exhibit negative attention seeking behaviours. So I prayed and I asked God to really help me, as to be honest it was beginning to get me down.
When I had a moment I found myself observing him and I noticed that he is quite high functioning and what I mean by that is that I believe him to be higher achiever and quite bright. Observing him I found that he was bored and this boredom was leading to his negative attention seeking behaviours. So we started to think of things to engage with him such as stories, games of hide and seek or just generally being silly together. After these engagements I found that his behaviour would become a lot more positive.
You see you need to know your children. Know how to hook them in. Know their strengths and weaknesses. What observations do you make of your children and what strategies and support structures can you put in place so that they can move forward?
The upload through observation
Children are like sponges and soak up all they see. Children learn what they live is a poem that humbles me because the fact is that the majority of the uploads that we make to our children’s hard drives are through observations of you.
So what are your children observing?
*Are you a go-getter?
*Are you punctual?
*How do you handle finances?
*Are you neat and tidy?
*Do you honour your word?
*Do you worship and pray regularly?
*How do you resolve conflict?
I was shocked one day to find that when Joshua was at the tender age of 1 the nursery nurse reported to me that any time he dropped a toy he would kiss his teeth! Where had he picked that up from? Me of course! I never taught him to do that, I didn’t even notice myself doing it but he had picked that up from me. How much more has he picked up, positive and negative? So be a role model is what I’m saying!
Setting a vision for your children
Do you have a vision for your family? What do you want your children to aspire to?
Maybe your dreams and visions may not go as far as choosing your child’s career path, but what is of greater importance is to equip them with skills and the strategies to be able to succeed in any profession or path that they choose.
There are many different ways that you can do this:
* Instrumental tuition is a really good way of getting a child to be disciplined. It also teaches persistence!
*Having a literature rich home with lots of books, thus exposing children to a wide range of language and vocabulary. Speak to your children in full sentences and expect them to do the same.
*Know when your child’s homework is due and support them with it. Not only does this help with their learning. This shows them that you are placing a high value on education.
*What learning is taking place in your home that is outside of school? What life skills are being taught at home through observation and through deliberate time spent teaching a new skill?
Positive affirmation
We have a duty as parents to spend quality time with our children. Now, many people have a lot to say about Oprah Winfrey. However I chanced upon something that she said which struck me. She said when your child walks into the room does your face light up or do you automatically go into nagging mode? Your children need to see that they are the light of your life. It makes a huge difference! Enjoy the gift of your children, spend time getting to know them through conversation and teach them something new. After all, children are a reward from the Lord! (Psalm 127:3)
I am also a strong believer in that if a parent strongly affirms their child/teen then the need to look to others for affirmation will not be as strong. This is especially true for fathers and their daughters.
Dealing with viruses
Now there is the ever threat of viruses that can attack the hard drive of a child and young person. Negative influences from peers, social and media influences etc.
Now these attacks are inevitable, but praying for their continually covering can counteract this threat. Stormie Omartian as written a tremendous book called the power of a praying parent that has a selection of powerful prayers to support parents in praying for their children.
Stormie starts off her book of prayers by a series of prayers first for the parent. I believe this is a good starting point. Evaluate yourself. Pray and ask God to help you and be your strength as you labour on your journey of parenthood. He is the ideal parent and the source of all things and is sure to guide us and help us.
To conclude, as parents and prospective parents we are no means perfect and will make mistakes in our parenting. However it is good to note that being a parent is a Kingdom responsibility so we must take it very serious and prepare our children for greatness and the best they can be.
lightinsightbymj 